Idiot [15 Nov 2009|08:10pm] bebopbuggie Sometimes I feel like an idiot. Or at least greedy. I'm not sure why. I don't know why I didn't just pick a Broadcasting Major like I wanted to back in Highschool. It's fun, it was exciting and enjoyable, and I was learning stuff, and it was active. but I picked Pharmecueticals. Why? I don't know. I was pretty interested in pharmacy stuff when I worked at CVS... but to make it my major? What a dumbass. I regret it. I regret it because I am struggling through my second semester of Organic and it's not fun and interesting anymore. I mean I guess it is sometimes... but not right now. =| [Comments]

is somebody's baby <3 [12 Nov 2009|03:40pm] itsbekkitoyou he told me yesterday that his mom talked to his sister and wanted to see him so she could talk to him. i'm glad the infection is going down. he mentioned there's still a lot of cancer, though. i'm just glad she's been getting stronger. i really thought the worst had happened, but i think he's still pretty upset about it. he knows that eventually she will pass, and i think the fact that she turned around so fast from being so close to dead has left him on the edge. now it's just wondering if she'll recover from this or if it's just continue to be an ongoing struggle. i just try to keep things happy and calm for him. i don't want him to get more down than he is right now. he wanted to get me this weekend, but the car he has doesn't work apparently. :/ his brother has already put $2000 on it, but his dad refuses to help pay for it because he said it doesn't work. his dad also won't let him borrow the car if he needs to go anywhere. i just felt bad because he was telling me how he feels his family doesn't trust him at all or even likes him. he's told me a few times about how he's definitely the black sheep in his family. i said if all else goes to shit, we can both runaway together because my parents don't trust me very much either. haha~ but, he's why i stay up all night. we just talk all day and night pretty much. i get my work done. well minus doing this post, but it's nice to have conversations with him. he enjoys talking to me and all i do is wait for the days to pass so i can see him again. and he calls me baby now. ♥ *blushes* i haven't been anyone's baby for a long time. i'm glad i'm his, though. :) i have an essay due in a few hours. actually it's late, but i don't care. i'm doing okay in that class. i'm really hoping she doesn't deduct like a whole grade from the paper. it's one of the last ones i have due, so i'm really excited. i feel like classes are getting close to finishing. i just want to do my best at this point and really focus. i'm thinking about spending a couple days doing some studying for the permit test. i'm hoping my mom will be able to take me, or somebody so i can just get it over with. after the whole daniel thing i felt pretty awful that i didn't have a license because he drove so much. with justin, it's even worse because if we're going to pursue a relationship, it's not going to be very fair if only he has to drive out. i want to go to orlando anyway because of my friends, but i now want to make sure i can really invest time seeing him as well. so, maybe after i get back from class i can study. or else tomorrow i'll do it since i'll have all day. i don't think he'll be able to come and get me like we both had hoped. :'( but it's okay. it gives me time to really get myself together. all right enough of this for now. i'll update later after class maybe~ hope everyone has a lovely thursday. :) goodnight, grandma ♥ [Comments]

♫ pretty boy this will be fun youll be mine for day has come~ ♫ [09 Nov 2009|08:11pm] itsbekkitoyou [ mood | cheerful ] [ music | Perfume // Electro World ] oh my God! justin told me his sister went to the hospital and that the infection was being stabilized. so.... i guess.... she hasn't passed away just yet? i was really confused. i reread his text about it and i was like, have i been thinking about it the wrong way the whole time? but i think when his family left the hospital yesterday they just assumed it was over. i guess she's still fighting. i'm praying every time he comes up in my head for her and for his family. he said he has a car but now it won't start. :/ he wants to get me for his friends' birthday party and i guess i would stay there the night and then he'd take me back. lol~ i don't know if he'll be able to since the car he has now won't start. i don't know what's wrong with it. he said if anything he'll borrow his dad's car. i don't know if he's for sure coming down, but if he wants to i want to go. i don't know what i'll tell my mom but i don't really care. it feels so long already since i've seen him and it's only been a week. i guess because it's the first time i've really felt like this so i'm all sad that i have to wait so long. class went well today. my professor said we were reviewing everything we did last class (which i missed since i was in orlando), so i was really glad we were just going over it again. we got out early and i really glad because i was so hungry! got home, and alex made baked ziti for herself and me. she also brought out the bread rolls i love so much! and thanksgiving is coming up~ we started eating those rolls last year. bread rolls are my favorite thing to eat at thanksgiving. it's really silly, but it used to be one of the only things i'd want to eat, so i have this fond attachment to them. if i'm having a nice dinner, bread rolls are the things i get really excited for inwardly. lol~ i have to study all night tonight for my anthropology class. boo~ i'll be glad when it's over. lol well only if i have a good grade. cramming is so awful to do. but it's what i risk when i have funtime~ i'll do my best, though! i have until friday to finish evaluating these letters we wrote for the anthropology project. i'm nervous to evaluate but i guess i understand what they want. i'll do it tomorrow probably if i don't do other homework first. haha~ all right, i'm getting sleepy. i have to work out now and then shower! looking thinner already! :D i'm excited~ hope everyone has a good night! sleep well. :) goodnight, grandma ♥ [Comments]

countdown~ [09 Nov 2009|04:21pm] itsbekkitoyou [ mood | anxious ] i'm avoiding homework until tonight. lol~ i have a test that i have to take by 3pm tomorrow because it's online. i'm going to read the chapters tonight and most likely just pull an all-nighter like i have been the past few days. justin woke up at around 2 or 3am saying he couldn't sleep. he didn't think i guess i would be up, but i told him i was and we just messaged each other back and forth all night. he mentioned at first (after i had responded) that he was sorry he was bringing such a negative thing in the beginning of things, and if i wanted out it was cool. i told him i had no intentions of leaving, especially now when he needs someone there the most. all i wanted to do was be there for him, and since i can't be there in person i just tried to talk to him and hoped whatever i said could be enough. he said he would've gone insane had he not talked to me and had otherwise been alone. today has just felt so long. i don't even know how he must be feeling, but i care about him a lot. he said he feels the same way, which makes me feel better about it - that i'm not just blindly walking into this or getting too attached. i can't wait to see him again. ♥ i'm also going to make a mix cd for him. we're going to exchange music. he mentioned how he likes katy perry and that made me laugh, because mike was really big on her for awhile. i have remixes of her that i told justin about and he ended up being excited to look up new music. i'm happy i could cheer him up some. :') we apparently have similar taste in music, so it's going to be nice to have someone new to share that with. we also have a whole thing about art. we were both heavily influenced by our older brothers when it came to drawing. he said he's going to take me to a bunch of art museums when i come up. :3 i never got to do that with anyone else, well except my mom and that was for class. he also wants to go rock climbing because he likes doing extreme sports and whatnot. but he doesn't want to climb an actual rock (phew), but like the one at the UCF gym. lol~ i was like, thank God or else i would die. he'll be gone for christmas i believe because he's going on a ski trip with his friends and i think he'll be there until the 1st of january. i'm thinking of getting him something for christmas, though. last year we did our secret santa and it was a couple days before christmas which would be good so he could get his present before he left. :) i have a few ideas, but not sure on what i want to do for sure. my mom said it'd be okay if i left after my exams to go to orlando. so if it works out, justin said he'd come and get me. if not i'll probably talk to travis about it because he said he didn't mind coming to get me. i want to leave the 7th because i'll most likely be done with everything then. i have my online essay but i'm thinking of writing it after i do my anthropology final online and then have it on a usb/email it to myself. the essay is due on the 10th but she said we didn't need to show up and could instead email it, so that is a hell of a lot more convenient. :) at least it's the 2nd week of november. i hope the month flies by. i can't believe the year is almost over, though. a lot has happened to me and i think it's been a great year. i hope next year will be even better. i'm just glad that i've been fortunate enough to only gain friendships in the process and haven't lost anybody important to me. i'm entirely grateful for everyone. ♥ that's about it for now. just being lazy. i have to get a good grade in my anthropology class, so i hope i take it seriously tonight, lol. gossip girl, tonight! i hope aviva's on so we can update about it tonight! :3 i missed it last week. haha~ take care, everyone and be safe! goodnight, grandma ♥ [Comments]

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